Funny Things In Life
Things happen throughout our life time that only occur once.
I wore a lovely blue dress for early morning Mass. I felt stylish
and elegant. I arrived at church a little early and visited the ladies room. After leaving the room. I proceeded to the church.
As I approached the inside doors, the deacon, a close friend, stopped to chat.
After he left, I entered the church and started my walk to the front.
A few pews down the isle, I heard a loud, “ LILL COME HERE IMMEDIATELY!” This shriek came from a ninety year old friend. Her daughter appeared shocked by her mother's loud outburst.
As I approached her, she pulled me into the bench. '` Your dress is tucked into your underclothing!'' was her quick response, as she tugged at my dress. “YIKKKES!” I gasped. Quickly checking, to my utter horror, she was correct. My whole posterior was exposed! I straightened my clothing into a more fashionable position. I thanked her and continued on my way, but never ceased to let her know I felt indebted to her for the rest of my life. After Mass, I questioned the deacon concerning his failure to inform me of my predicament . His repy,'I didn't look at your back'. It taught me a lesson: check the mirror before one leaves the rest room insuring all is in proper place.
Can you imagine the gossip that would flow, about this indecent display, of all places in church?
Another incidence was on the day of my friend's funeral. About three hours prior to leaving for the church, I irrigated my nostrils with saline to clear my sinuses. Inside the church, I bent down to kiss the widow sitting in her wheelchair. Immediately fluid poured from my nostrils. I thought the fluid had drained hours ago. It was a heavy downpour landing on her head. The people around her looked in shock at the spectacle. Was I crying from my nose? I quickly grabbed Kleenex offered and wipe her off. I felt my explanation went on deaf ears as icy, unyielding glances caused me to wished the floors would open and swallow me. I apologized and tried to make all within earshot aware it surprised me also.
That wasn't enough. The next Sunday,as the widow entered the church in her wheelchair, I rushed over to inquire as to her well-being. As I greeted her, I bent over to kiss her on the forehead. In surprise, I glanced at her forehead to see my BIG lipstick mark. I immediately pulled out a tissue and removed the evidence acknowledging my regrets. From this day on, I think when the family sees me coming ,they will quickly push that wheel chair miles away from me .
Lill Caplins 6/08
